WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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