a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
