...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
