her vagine was all disorganized.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize