we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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