Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
