guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize