i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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