hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
