when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
