After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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