I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
