I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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