you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize