I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so let's talk penis.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
