dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
