Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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