Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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