he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
