I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
