I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
