She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
