Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
