It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize