is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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