I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
