At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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