Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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