she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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