WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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