Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
