Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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