My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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