Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
