I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
