she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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