She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
