but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
