he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
