how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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