My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
