There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if only i could text you this smell
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
