tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So apparently I’m into choking now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize