ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
