Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize