My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
