she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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