just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
