im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
