Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
