i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
did i just pee glitter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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