I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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