I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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