is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
