My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
