This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
