Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize
