Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize