Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
