The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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