Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
splinters make it hard to masturbate
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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