All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
