Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

Fav 16 867 4479
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(913): View more from Kansas

I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me

Fav 22 7049 1378
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(270): View more from Kentucky

Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

Fav 11 1608 5904
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"

Fav 8 4779 1986
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(239): View more from Florida

"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.

Fav 18 1697 4476
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?

Fav 12 3931 1589
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know

Fav 3 2302 913
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(708): View more from Illinois

I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex

Fav 0 59 15
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(765): View more from Indiana

Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.

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