May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
