Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
