im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
