my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
