I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
