I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's blow job season.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
