Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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