Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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