can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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