Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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