And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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