3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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