I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
