i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
