Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
