I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
