walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize