Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
