So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize