i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
