So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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