I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
