What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
