Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
