Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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