Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We just shotgunned beers for America
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
