You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
