I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
